First post. Yup. This is my first post. And it’s a doozy. Today I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Wow. Seeing it in print is a bit harsh. I mean….I have worked hard at being healthy. I juice, I use mostly chemical free make up, body products, I use essential oils and rarely take any medications like Tylenol or Advil. I am a person who looks at the bright side of things. I look for the blessings and gratitude within a situation. I believe
that dis-ease means the body has experienced emotional trauma that is deep enough to manifest into physical trauma.
But yet here I am….with breast cancer in my left breast. I cried a lot today. My husband and I spent most of the day together. And, true to the experience, I cycled through sadness, fear, but also gratitude.
You must be thinking that I am nuts. Gone off the deep end. That the elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top. How can I find any gratitude in this situation? Well, as the saying goes…when the s*** hits the fan, you find out who your friends are.
And boy did I! As soon as I found out the diagnosis, I called my husband. I knew he wasn’t close to his phone and we didn’t know when the dr was going to call. It went straight to voicemail. Yeah. Not leaving that nugget of information on a voicemail. So then I called one of my very best friends. Actually, I had called her as I was on my way to the Dr. They called me and I literally flew out the door (as my partner in crime covered me at work). Anyway, when I called her with a diagnosis, sobbing , she told me that she was on her way to me. At my doctors. Wow. And that was where my first thought of gratitude hit me….how incredibly lucky am I to have an amazing friend like that?
We sat in my car and cried…. and laughed….. and cried some more. She told me that she believes I am going to be ok. And I am. I am ok at this moment. I mean this moment is all anyone has. Right now I am not in pain, I feel some sadness and worry, but more importantly , I feel gratitude. Grateful for my beautiful, beautiful friends.
But my day had just begun. As I told other friends, they too were ready to jump into action and be by my side. How amazing. How grateful I am. Texts were pouring in all day in support of me.
However. There are some people I haven’t told. And those are my children.
Awwww crap. Here I go….tearing up again. I am heartbroken that I am going to have to share news with them that will throw uncertainty in their hearts. I can see blessings and be grateful for situations because I am 40ish. I have taken a long time to get here. They are just a tween and a teen. I know that even though I am going to work hard at not crying when I tell them ….they will be scared. I mean, who wouldn’t be? These last 14 hours have been one big emotional roller coaster for me!
But before I tell them, I want to have more information. I meet with the surgeon in 1 week. Then I will know what type of surgery I am having, how long recovery will be, etc etc. Right now, at this moment, I feel that is what I should do. Not tell them until I have a sense of direction about my treatment.
Usually I am the rock. I am the one people come to for comfort. I am the one people lean on. I want to make sure, that when I tell my children what is happening, they understand that this is just a plot twist. People are diagnosed with breast cancer all of the time and it does not mean a death sentence. I want them to know that they can ask anything and not ever worry about expressing their fears to me. I want to be their rock.
Time to rest. Until tomorrow.