Faith Over Fear

Blind Faith…..  Faith over fear….

These are some of the things that I am repeating to myself as we are driving over to the breast surgeon. It has been exactly one week since I found out that cancer is in my breast. I have done a lot of work towards coming to an understanding that this has become part of my journey. It may not have been a path I was expecting to take ( in fact I have said this past week that I am the last person I thought that would have cancer ). But here it is. And now I have to make a choice. Am I just going to sit and cry and bemoan my situation? Or am I going to walk my talk and have faith. Have faith that I am being taken on this path for a reason.  Have faith that whatever treatment I need, I am safe and I will use this experience to become even stronger. I still consider myself a healthy person. I still consider myself strong.

 

I won’t lie. My heart is hurting.  In the back of my mind I wonder if this is my fault. Did I do something to my body that primed it for cancer to grow?  Was I so callous and carefree with my body that I didn’t notice that something wasn’t right?  I thought I had been fairly good to my body.  I thought…

Of course, it was my body that alerted me to the fact that something wasn’t right.  I still remember that when I first noticed that my nipple had gone flat, there was a little tickle in the back of my mind.  I knew I needed to see a doctor but wasn’t sure what was going on.  I knew something was up because my body had just felt like it was letting down milk and I haven’t had that sensation for almost 11 years.  I guess it is very good that I trusted myself and had faith in that little voice….that little tickle in my head.  But my heart still hurts.

Oh, we are here…

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